"Family Guy" is a terrible TV show, Don't watch it.

If you do happen to watch it, then your just encouraging the producers and writers to continue their work.. and your an idiot for not understanding actual "good" comedy. Probably some of you are screaming out loud smashing your computer and denouncing my statement towards this children show, what would I presume your defensive argument should be? Family Guy is hysterical when your baked. NOPE. My returning argument would have to be; Everything is funny while your baked. With the exception of killing baby rabbits.. wait, no.. everything is funny while baked.

So why watch Family Guy? I honestly don't know. Its childish, retarded, they use the same-old jokes all the time directed towards the same audience, all the fraking time. What season are they in now? Eight? Jesus people, I knew the human race (or at least the Internet) was dumb, but this is overwhelming. THAT SHOW SHOULD HAVE STAYED CANCELED. Damn you rocketing DVD sales!

I mean come on.. The only good developed character is Brian, he's got a logical understanding of what goes on around him, and his back story makes sense. Unlike his best friend, who apparently has some dad in Ireland, which was different from his other "Dad" (Foster Dad, I really don't know) for most of the series, leaving the viewers to eventually find out that both were not his father, and a third Dad was introduced. (I think?) anyways, it does not matter, they all somehow met and ended up in America. Peter obviously does not know what goes on around him, same with Chris, and Meg. Who don't have much character development.

I could go on to explain Peters friends, Lois, The absurd baby of theirs, but it would explain nothing but how much they all suck. I will admit 3 or 4 jokes made me laugh (while not high) but that is hardly worth watching the program to see if one pops up, the pot episode even sucked. (how?)

All in all, its a terrible show, that is boring to watch, Hopefully I opened your eyes. (I already know I didn't; because anyone who likes the show probably disagreed with everything I said, or completely agreed with me. The later being the smarter choice.) Watch shows like South Park, Monty Python (very good show to watch baked by the way) Futurama, Simpsons, or even Seth's other show, American Dad, which is a great improvement to Family Guy.

Also, Before you finish reading, let me tell you one last thing to help you see the way and to prevent you from ever tuning in to Family Guy. King of the Hill (Great show) was cancelled after something like 11 or 12 seasons to make room for a Family Guy spin-off. FRAK YOU FAMILY GUY! How will Hank Hill sell me propane now?

The Internet is fail

Well my years on the world wide web have been interesting no doubt, I've seen some radical sites and interesting games and creations. Also though, some awesome public sites and forums have caught my attention. One of these forums/sites that I visit every now and then, (I used it Back in the Day) is Totse. While I am thunderously disappointed by the fact that as of January 17th 2009, the site in no more. This information disgusts me, as tons of other good sites are also shut down, unmaintained, never up-dated, or just plain suck (now).

Why? Internet are you starting to fail. I've always had faith in you, spiting on people who said the Internet was lame, or uselessly boring. I guess those days came to an end, as soon as I started to notice how awesome the Internet actually was.

Most new sites that popped up take the traffic away from the older sites that used to be. (my opinion, but obviously the right one) Sites like "Facebook" (Which I recently De-activated my account, due to my sudden realization that it's utter dog shit. Although, I always really kinda knew it, but went along with it anyways.) "YouTube" Yes I know, YouTube is a cool site that wastes your hours away watching killer music videos and unreleased sitcom TV shows that never saw the light of day, that is, until YouTube started existing. But is it really actually a cool site? No. It isn't. FACT: 90% of the videos on YouTube are lies, shit quality, incorrectly labeled, or some shit bag trying to show his creativity by making movies. (News flash man, THEY FUCKING SUCK) Have you ever seen somebody try to cover an intense song themselves (and suck at it), or seen some crappy-filth-ridden-suck-fest of a home video? Yes you have, because they compile most of YouTube.

There's actually so many shitty sites on the Internet, I would spend years typing them out, and You'd never actually see this post. Seriously though, there is an incredible amount of terrible sites on the web, test it out. Type www.whatever the fuck you want.com (no spaces) and voila! You have found a site. Alas, its not really a site, but an eye sore. So this is not recommended.

A World Conquest Part II

During the events of my Internet conquest, I had also unintentionally started a conquest in the real world as well. The Nations of earth gathered and agreed that my conquest of the Internet must be halted, BCDan cannot be the sole site on the Internet, for then how would people pirate video games or watch porn. It was madness. The United Nations ejected Canada from its council, just as the BCDan party of Canada took power. The world is falling apart, easy prey for a mastermind such as myself. The year is 2009, and Earth is about to conquered.


Everybody underestimated Canada, they had a powerful army, just not very big. Of course size doesn't matter, when you release biochemical bombs on your opponents strategic military outposts and bases of operations. Yes the world was looking to easy to take, almost without any resistance at all. Of course Prime Minister Dan, or Dictator for Life, as Dan preferred, was not a lone wolf. He had his allies, and he chose them wisely. North Korea and Dan mutually agreed that Japan, China, and the United States were the most superior threats to our future regime. They must be stopped at all costs. Russia, although, was not interested in our endeavour, at first, but they eventually agreed to our terms, and China was the last member to join the regime in 2010, even though at first our intentions were to blow the shit out of them.


On June 6th, 2012, North Korea nuked Japan. The resulting war would be the last earth would see for a long time. China invaded Mongolia, India, and Taiwan. Russia, attacked the European Union. All in the month of June, by July 4th, Canada invaded the United States. With the help of North Korea, Russia, and China. Most of America's major metropolis's were subjected to nuclear annihilation with minimal damage to Canada's cities and environment.

The United States was captured for the most part, swiftly and easily. When America was annexed by Canada completely, in 2013, Japan had been destroyed by weapons of Mass Destruction. The rest of the world had become fearful of the new super regime, and formed the "Alliance of Earth". Appalled by the Lack of excitement in their name; China, Russia, North Korea, Canada, and Newly acquired United States agreed to be called "Destroyers of the Alliance of Earth" (DotAoE). By 2014 Mongolia, South Korea, Taiwan, Mexico had been captured by the DotAoE and India as well as the European Union were showing signs of defeat. By this time most of the worlds cities had already become prey to nuclear bombs, back in 2013. The world had changed dramatically, and only more great things were to come. Dan the emperor of Earth, I can feel the power already.

Its all about the weed

We all know that weed is without a doubt, the best plant ever. No one can say otherwise, but wait, Isn't weed illegal? Why yes! Yes it is, and its totally fucking gay. Whats wrong with weed being illegal? Everything. Its my right as a Canadian to be able to smoke a blunt walking down the street while taunting cops with huge tokes and laughing at them because I'm stoned and their not. Its my right as a citizen of Earth! to be able to smoke weed without problems with the authorities.

Its quite obvious why weed is illegal though, the answer is so simple. The government is unpatriotic! They don't care about us, or the country! They just care about how much they can raise taxes before people get pissed, its what they do, raise taxes and build highways.

Which is why I've decided to form my own political party, the greatest party that the universe will ever become witness too.


Let me explain what my party represents. The BCdan Party of Canada, believes that weed should be legal and freely distributed at any of these locations: 7-11, Wall-mart, Costco, McDonald's, any coffee bistro, and other locations. We also believe, the dealing of weed should not be prohibited and is actually encouraged.

The BCdan party of Canada, has also done very in depth research studies about what weed will do to the common individual.


As you can clearly see, the person on the right has a cool hat, wavy purple-streaked hair, got a new bong, is wearing sun glasses and is smiling. These are all successful traits of a person who is going to get everything he wants in life. The person on the left however, is plain and dull, depressed, doesn't have a bong, and has swine flu.

So In conclusion, Our researched proved that if you don't smoke weed, you have swine flu.

Get me the fuck off this ship!

Hello readers, I'm back and with a complication of different space ships, or capital ships, that would fucking suck MAJOR balls to be stuck on, and no weed to smoke. My list will feature ships known in movies, and games. I don't read books, fuck books.

I'm rating the ships from least shitty/scary to absolutely mind shockingly fucked up. Also, I'm rating them from the protagonists shoes. Lets start:

Athena


Well doesn't that look like a pretty ship, orbiting over Solaris? Yes it does, but don't let this fool you. Solaris is a fucking evil star that fucks shit up, and brings dead people back from our memories and makes them completely fucking real. Also, they can't be killed unless you vaporize them with a super powerful energy wasting laser.

The Athena comes complete with little kids running around, that should be back on earth, No contact with Earth, and blood appearing in various places not seen before. Hardly a peaceful relaxing work experience over Solaris, fuck that star.

Event Horizon


Fuck this ship, fuck its crew, fuck its black hole device that takes it to hell. Fuck this ship! If I designed this ship; and it disappeared for god knows how long, then reappears in our solar system, and weird messages are being transmitted from its radio, I WOULD FUCKING STAY AWAY! I'd erase any memories of this ship from my mind. (by trying not to think about it)

Alas, my efforts to ignore this mess of a ship, I get a call to go to some top secret location in our solar system to do a rescue extraction. I'd probably be like "go into space to be a space faring hero? fuck yeah man!" All goes well, until we reach the destination, its a storm and nothing is visible, that is until, the Event Horizon is 100 feet in front of us. I'd be in shock (if I'd watched the movie beforehand) but, the movie doesn't actually exist in the movie, so I'd be clueless to the terrors that await me on the ship.

Me and my team get on the Event Horizon, what awaits us? Hell. Its the complete truth. This advanced black hole generating ship is filled with dark corridors, blood and guts, corpses, more blood, hallucinations of dead people that try to kill you mostly 100% of the time, and a mysterious force that fucks up your buddies and makes them kill themselves. Ohh, Also the ship is alive and presents you your fears trying to make you commit suicide, and kills you if you try to leave.

The ship has been to Hell and back! The crew mutilated themselves and ate each others organs! Ahhhhhhh! What the fuck!?

Planet cracker starship

Now what would you think a "planet cracker starship" would look like or actually do? Blow up planets? Mine them? Well they kind of do both, they pull a big chunk out of planets and mine them for their resources.


The picture above is a planet cracker starship, called the USG Ishimura. Yes, the Ishimura. I will never ever go on to any space ships dubbed Ishimura if they do exist in my lifetime. Fuck the Ishimura, fuck the Necromorphs, fuck Concordance Extraction Corporation. God dammit, why did they find that artifact?

I can't really explain how fucked up the Ishimura is, really. Other than death awaits you around every blood filled, corpse ridden hallway. Also, corpse's can be turned into the Necromorphs. An alien spices with only one objective, kill humans and turn their bodies into Necromorphs, also eat them sometimes. Necromorphs are corpses and tissue fused together, and each limb is conscious. That means they don't need a head, and if you shoot them in half, you then have two to deal with. ALSO, they have huge fucking blades that can cut you in half. Those are only the most common varieties, there's also mutant babies that are just fucked up and can walk on the walls and roofs, Huge armored tank creatures that can walk though a metal reinforced wall like it was paper, huge fucking leviathans (HUGE) like so huge they consume an entire room and only keep growing until they consume a part of the ship entirely. There's also a monster, that regenerates any lost limbs instantly, run the fuck away. All this awaits you on the Ishimura. The worst thing is, the ship has not been destroyed, and its destination is clear, Earth.

"Shrooms" is a shitty movie

Okay, when I say shitty, I of course means brilliantly filmed to make you want to shoot your friends brains out, record it, post it on youtube, then watch it because its way more fucking interesting.

I just recently watched this crap fest of a film, expecting it to be good because of people telling me this movie was good, and I believed it because of the media boasting the director. (The movie Freakdog, supposedly was directed by the same guy as Shrooms) I have not seen the movie Freakdog, and hopefully never will fearing that it might push me to do another review.

So, how do I start? How about by saying that this movie should not be watched by anyone, and absolutely does not resemble anything of what a shroom trip would actually be like.

Now let me explain, about 10 seconds into the film I got the feeling it was going to suck just by how the story was beginning to unfold, you can probably guess how agonizing the other 90 minutes were. It starts off with some bitch on a plane, waiting to get to Ireland to do shrooms because shes never done them, and the best thing to do on your first shroom trip is too obviously do them on another continent, everybody knows this. (Their from America) So they land, her and her friends (Some Pot head with long hair, Steroid Junkie, and a Hot Bitch) They go to meet their failure of a friend who is waiting for them.

By this point, I have seen most of the main cast, and they're all terrible. Casting was shitty, bar none.

Eventually they are driving in this shitty vehicle that looks like.. well.. a fucking piece of shit, and they hit a dog, or some shit. Then they feel sorry for the dog, and the steroid junkie freaks out and kills it. THEN they gave the dead dog to these people across the street who witnessed the scene, hoping they would fuck off. They did. (They also screamed a lot of non-sense)

So after some more driving, they find a place and set up camp. The one bitch complains about some guy not paying attention, and then they go looking for shrooms. The one guy (Guy who waited at airport) explains about the blackhead shrooms and how they are extremely deadly, and would give you psychic powers if you didn't die. Around 1 minute later, the girl bitch falls down right in front of one and stares at it for like 30 seconds eventually eating it. Almost Instantly after the single shroom enters her mouth, she has a seizure and gets psychic powers (Supposedly)

They go back to camp after picking all their shrooms, and wait till the morning to do them. Its night time currently, and I know that hallucinogens are best at night, but they wait till the morning. They all sit around a fire planning to tell scary stories, shitty deal for everybody though because the airport dude tells one to scary, and everybody goes to sleep.

The pot head steals a shroom and shares it with his girlfriend planning to bone her, but the steroid junkie was spying on them and this causes a dispute between everybody. Eventually the pot head gets punched in the face. The steroid junkie's hot bitch girlfriend knows he was spying, and complains about him taking steroids. He leaves, and takes shrooms. Eventually he talks to a cow.

Pretty much the rest of the movie is everybody dying, one by one in stupid ways, by this black figure mentioned in the story the airport dude told at the camp fire. I can't even write about how stupid they are in the decisions they make. I don't even know how they came up with them.

Anyways, turns out the girl is actually murdering everybody and she didn't have powers. This becomes clear to you about halfway through the movie, but you only "ACTUALLY" find out at the very end.

Let me Rate this shit:
Cast 0/100
Plot 0/100
Acting 0/100

Script 5/100

Editing 60/100

The movie gets 5/100 for including the cow.
The movies gets 60/100 for trying to present a shitty movie as worthwhile.

Total: 65/500

That's 1.3/10 if you wanted to know. Hardly a movie worth seeing.
Now if I were to re-make this movie, here would be some of the changes.

Dave Mustaine for lead role.
Scrap everything about the movie, and replace it with a recording of one of his concerts.
Sell movie with shrooms.

The company that produced this movie, should seriously consider taking my advice.

God Damn, fucking no-good PIRATES!

Ahhh! I hate them more than ever, they always ruin everything!

Sigh... Let me explain; I was playing Sins of a solar empire for computer, and everything was going well, I had colonized an entire solar system, had millions of dollars, I was unstoppable to any enemy fleet, or so I thought.. I mean I conquered an ENTIRE fucking solar system, that's 12 PLANETS!

Here take a look at my fleet.


Its 15 Capital ships, along with about 50 Heavy Freighters, 30 Carriers, around 60 Light/Medium Cruisers, and about 65 fleets of Fighters, and Bombers.

Yeah, pretty nice, I know. It wiped out all the enemy fleets and empires with ease, that is of course until..

PIRATES! (They are GREEN and I am RED) Its hard to see, but if you enlarge the picture, you can kind of see the glow.

They outnumbered my ships 4 to 1. Of course, I had Capital ships and they didn't, but their fleet consisted almost ENTIRELY of Heavy Freighters, Heavy Cruisers, and Missile Cruisers.

The following is the battle between Dan & those fucking Pirates!


BUT even after all this mayhem, I STILL beat the fuckers! I still won! But at what cost? about 100,000 Dollars worth of Ships, and Millions of people, but I still won.


The Picture above, is a screen shot of my ships leaving the scene, You can't really see them because there's so much debris, and destroyed ships. (Look for the ships engines and you'll find them) NO MORE PIRATES, I killed all of them, let none live. The solar system is now rid of them.

But I have to admit, what a terrible fucking ambush...